last updated tuesday, june 21st 2022

this is inspired by anne-laure le cunff's personal user manual guide!! not specifically created with work situations in mind.. more so to articulate how i tend to do things + interact with the world around me!!

p.s. if it means anything to you, i'm a libra (my rising, sun, and moon sign supposedly??) and my mbti type is infp (for all you tech bros out there!!) don't know what any of this really says about me (if it does at all) but people tend to ask me and who am i to say no??


some things you should know about me:

i take some time to warm up to people - i'm pretty reserved and get nervous meeting new people so i tend to come off as shy and like awkward (but not even in a haha quirky way) when i first meet new people. which is correct. but also somebody told me that i was "actually really cool" after i had met them MULTIPLE!! times and i still haven't fully recovered from it..

my response time is absolutely horrid - it is not even funny!!!! somehow i end up checking my email more than i do my messages. so if i take a while to respond please understand that i am just a little slow and will get back to you as soon as i see your message!!


my weaknesses

caring about what other people think - but not in a wow cool self-aware way.. more in a pathetic oh my god does everyone hate me is this weird hyperconscious sort of way. i do realize that it is really a stupid self-centered mindset and literally nobody cares so i am trying to become more comfortable with the fact that i will not get along with everyone and that it is ok!!

difficulty saying no - i feel like there's this constant sorta fear i have of missing out. so i've said yes to a lot of things that (in retrospect) i did not have the capacity to handle. have since been working on setting boundaries and making sure that i maintain a good work-life balance. also, understanding that everything in my life will happen for a reason!!

procrastination - parkinson's law has a chokehold on me!! the way i view my time and work has been defined by the confines of a high school schedule and class syllabi for so long.. now that i have the freedom to determine my own life and deadlines and whatnot it feels so overwhelming and i don't know what to do with myself. been combating this by timeblocking (yay!!) and self-imposing deadlines on less concrete/more long-term tasks and goals. been working pretty well.. also!! blocking distracting sites i luv you @ self control app

deflection - in essence.. making excuses for why i'm not where i want to be. as if i'm not the sole person responsible for my own actions?? now been focusing more on things that ARE in my control to achieve things i want instead of blaming external factors that everyone else has to deal with anyways

typing like a two year old - i firmly stand by writing in lowercase unless capitalization is Explicitly Required (aka when i need to type formally for work!!) also using horrid punctuation (or lack thereof)

fear of being perceived - i don't know i just like to hope that i am like forever in flux and ever-changing so the idea that people see me as a different version of myself based on their encounters with me in the past and that that is not who i really feel like i am at this very moment is kinda uncomfy to me. but like also that is the reality of being a human.. i am not special. sucks to suck i guess!!

all or nothing mindset - shoutout to my 5am routine era!! i always have these idealized concepts of what my days are going to look like and when they fall below the expectations that i set (me!! for myself!!) i have this feral urge to give up for the entire day and start afresh tomorrow. obviously Super Stupid. but i've found that listening to the 6th grade boy armchair philosophers and being ok with not having perfect days because maybe time is really a social construct (even though it technically isn't apparently) has helped a lot.

oversharing on the internet - if it was not obvious enough already. but i haven't fully grasped the idea that people can actually see what i write and do.. feels like i'm talking into the void and i love it. anyways digital footprints are not real digital footprints are not real digital footprints are not real if i say it enough maybe it will come true!!!!!!!!!